Cómo ser un malvado de éxito

Enlazo con cierto recelo esta página porque está completamente escrita en Comic Sans (¡mis ojos! ¡mis ojoooos!) pero bueno, aquí va: How to be a Successful Evil Overlord que recoge 100 sabios consejos sobre qué cosas no hacer para ser el malo de la película sin morir en el intento

• When I've captured my adversary and he says, «Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?» I'll say, «No.» and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him and then say «No.»
• After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
• I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strength and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line «No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!» (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
• If my trusted lieutenant tell me my Legion of Terror is losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
• If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
• My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
• If the beautiful princess that I capture says «I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!», I will say «Oh well» and kill her.
• My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
• Any data files of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb.